Introductions

Hi, there.

My name is Tony, and I started blogging about 5 years ago. I stopped after I got a website, because it felt more professional and blogs were becoming overdone. Seriously. When I was blogging, everyone was dicking around on livejournal. Now everyone has a freaking blog. My professor has a blog. My desk has a blog. My pet fish has a blog, and I flushed his ass in fourth grade.

Blogs are tiresome, and any self-respecting writer should feel uneasy being lumped into a group of people doing the same thing. Especially a group that is so in the public eye that it enters speech on . . . on . . . television! Guh!

But it is never long before a trend becomes a medium, and soon it must justify itself. Blogs have become ligitimate, and I can't ignore that. I may be desperate to be different, but should I shun the form altogether like some brooding whelp? No! It just means I should try to do something new with it. Let the avant-garde of the internet be born!

You see, I've had a terrible problem lately. I killed my ability to write. I killed it dead. I killed it through restriction . . . restriction by expectation and the illusion of productivity. "I want to write fiction!" I said, and I wrote fiction. But the fiction stopped. It still swirls in my mind, but the desire to process it is gone. Likewise my drawings, my comedy, and my assignments . . . all clogged in the seive. I spent too much time looking at WHAT to express instead of expressing.

And then came depression. I was suicidal for about a month, and generally unhappy for six. I've had an odd obession with death for years, and I'm told I think too much. Sometimes it's incredibly oppressive . . . I actually feel heavier and have trouble breathing.

But I've no time to waste on depression. I've got shit to do! Fake smiles get old and I finally sought professional help. Medication, despite popular conceptions, is of limited help. I'm required to attend therapy, which I find does very little that normal introspection and occaisional venting can't. Regardless, a person needs someone to talk to, and I don't normally like sharing all that much.

Well, my doctor is an old friend, and she knows me pretty well. She decided that I should begin blogging again. She feels that it will allow me to express my thoughts without feeling like I'm wasting time, because other people will be reading it. The ultimate goal is that I'll write freely again.

So here I am. Back in the fold, on medical orders. Let's try to make the best of this, shall we?





Oh, and I haven't said "fuck" yet.




There we go.